My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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