How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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