i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
