half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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