My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
