What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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