But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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