Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
