You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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