Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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