I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
