youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
