I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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