I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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