i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
