hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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