you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
