Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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