Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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