Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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