Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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