is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
