He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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