Can i not drive my cunt home
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
