My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
