My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just blew my weed a kiss
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
