We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
they're like a gay fantastic four
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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