I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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