the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
