i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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