are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
