i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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