Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
