I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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