I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
