Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
ok first of all what the fuck
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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