I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
