You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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