Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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