I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
