how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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