I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
