Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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