You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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