Do you still have your period?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
