Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
is it fun? or sober?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
