You smell like a Billy Joel song
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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