after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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