I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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