I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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