I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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