I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
