Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
