Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
