Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
