At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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