It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
