my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
