i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
