so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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