guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
