We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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