Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize