Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How external is "for external use only"?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
