So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
