Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
