I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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