That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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