someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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