What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
