in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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