Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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