I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
