Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
