oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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